"But you, Lord, do not be far from me. You are my strength; come quickly to help me." (Psalm 22:19)
I keep my distance from people who try to make others believe that they are happy everyday, all the time. I don't care how many years you've known the Lord. or how holy you think you are, there will be days when you just don't feel happy! Life is hard! Very hard!! And the things you have to deal with in everyday life can really tire you out and get you down. I do get tired and I do breakdown sometimes and that doesn't make me any less of a Christian!
The times that I can remember saying "life is hard!" to people outside of my family, I can recall the shocked responses. It's as if they think I'm super-human, without feelings, and without the same struggles and challenges as any other human being or that I somehow shouldn't have these same struggles. Because I stay in touch with God and pray a lot and try to deliberately speak more positive than negative words, people think I'm getting a pass on the hell that life dishes out!
This week in particular has been tougher than most. Disagreements with my mother, loneliness, and simple fatigue with waiting on prayers to be answered have all gotten the best of me. This week, I don't know what to pray when I get on my knees; I don't know the words to say about the future of my career and the future of my personal life. And I'm totally confused about what God's will is for me. I truly believe that everything I've prayed for in the last 10 years, were placed in my heart by God. Nothing that I desire is out of selfishness or greed or envy. All that my heart desires is written in God's word and is honorable and of good rapport. But, for the life of me, I can't figure out what the delay is or what I'm doing wrong or what God is doing.
The word of God says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (Proverbs 13:12). This scripture shows me that God is aware of the effects of the trials and waiting we human beings deal with. King David also wrote most of the Psalms, crying out to God for strength to make it through and for God to come quickly to help him! What I'm feeling and what you sometimes feel (if you're honest with yourself) is not uncommon, "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." (1 Corinthians 10:13) I'm often tempted to give up on my dreams and I'm sometimes tempted to give up on my faith but it's impossible for me now because I've met God and I've gotten to know God and I'm in relationship with Him. I've seen and experienced too much with Him to deny His love, grace and mercy in my life. I gotta believe that He has not changed and His mind has not changed; He is still faithful! There is no Plan B for me! It's me and God and no matter how hard the day or week is, I will not let Him go until He blesses me! (Genesis 32:26)
Song to listen to: "For Every Mountain" -Kurt Carr & Kurt Carr Singers
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