My Testimony

“Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” (Mark 5:19)


Everyone has a testimony to share.  Some are not yet comfortable enough to share theirs and some may still be a little ashamed about where they were and what they were doing when they came to truly know God and his love for them, but at some point, I think we all will come to a place where we understand the importance of sharing our story with others.  

I am no saint, there are things in my past that I have done that I am still ashamed of, even though I know without a doubt that God has forgiven me. Human beings though have a tough time forgiving themselves and I am no different.  Today I want to share one of my testimonies, as there are many, but my heart feels it is important to share this one now.

I grew up in a home where my mother was always preaching the gospel; always quoting scripture; and always telling me and my sisters what was wrong and right in God's eyes.  I am the 4th of 4 girls and when I was younger (school age), I was the quiet one, just listening to all the conversations around me and wondering what everyone was talking and arguing about.  As I got a little older and found my voice, I began to join in the conversation, but by then my older sisters were away in college, so it was just me and my mother and I think she was tired by then and felt like I had heard it all before and that I should know right from wrong, so the conversations were few and far between.  

Growing up, I hadn't really seen a need to know God better.  I mean, my family life was certainly not perfect.  We fought a lot and then we always made up and that was just how it went.  I made it through college without any major events occurring and I was sane and educated and life wasn't perfect but it was ok. After college, I had my first real romantic relationship.  At first, I wasn't all that in love; he was nice; we went on dates every weekend; and we had a good time laughing and having fun.  At some point, I fell deeply in love and hearing my mother in my mind constantly saying "it's better to marry than to burn!"  I felt like we needed to get married because we were doing all the right things to get burned!  Well, at 25, he didn't understand the need and my mother's voice didn't haunt him the way it did me.  Eventually, 5 years into the relationship, we got engaged, and I thought everything was going to work out.  We were going to get married and live happily ever after.  LOL!!!!  Well, it didn't quite work out that way.  From almost the day the ring went on my finger, my life was turned upside down!  His parents, who I thought really liked me, showed me that they didn't like me at all!  I was American born and so was he but his parents were West African born and unbeknownst to me, they had always planned for him to be married to a West African woman.  They proceeded to make me very aware of their feelings and plans and he didn't defend his love and commitment to me and quickly folded under the pressure so we broke up.  I was devastated!  And that's putting it lightly!  I spent the next year of my life in the deepest, darkest pit that can be imagined.  My heart was so shattered that I didn't believe it could ever be whole again.  I was hopeless and I didn't want to live, but thank God I was too afraid to take my own life, mainly because again, my mother's voice rang in my head about the rights and wrongs according to God's word and suicide was not in the "right" category.  That year was the worst year of my life.

In the beginning, I knew about God but I didn't know God and I didn't trust God.  I was in such excruciating pain, and I just wanted the pain to go away.  I woke up everyday in agony.  I was a teacher at the time and I had just started working at a new school that I didn't like so that added to my grief and til this day I can't even remember how I got to that school building everyday.  I was living in such a thick foggy haze.

It was in that year of extreme pain that I truly met God.  I truly began to seek him through praying every second of everyday, out loud and silently. Through taking my sister's advice, I began reading the bible every single morning and night, desperately hoping that I would get some relief from the darkness I was in.  That relief did not come right away though.  I had post it notes all over my apartment and in my car, just to keep positive and victorious words in my sight. I went to christian and non-christian counseling.  I started going to church every Sunday again, because I felt I couldn't survive without it.  I started visiting another church on Tuesday evenings just to be in the midst of other believers in the hope that something miraculous would fall on me and I would be my old self again.  Even after that year, I was never my old self again; I was a new woman with a new heart and mind.  I didn't realize the change that was occurring in me until after that year had passed.  I can't point out the exact date that the heaviness was broken off of me but I realized at some point that I was feeling good again and I was hopeful again and I was smiling again. 

That was 8 years ago, and I'm still nowhere near perfect.  Life is challenging and I still have a lot to learn about God and about faith but because of that deep pit experience, I am now a woman of integrity and standards; and a woman who puts no man before God.  I am confident that God always has me and that His perfect plan will always prevail.

We all have a testimony and I'm asking everyone who is reading today to find some way to share it.  There are others around you that need to hear where you've been so they can see what it looks like to be on the other side of the trials of life.  From that part of my life, I've learned that God is the only true happily ever after and with Him on my side I can make it through anything that comes my way. 

Song to listen to:  "Love Said Not So" -BeBe and CeCe Winans