Disappointed?

"Anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.." (Hebrews 11:6)

Do you often find yourself feeling disappointed with where your life has taken you so far?  Are you disappointed today that what you had planned didn't or hasn't worked out the way you thought it would?  If you're anything like me, you can answer both with a "YES!"  It's ok...don't beat yourself up over how you feel or feel that you are being ungrateful because you have these feelings.  Even if you deny that you've felt this way, God knows the truth...your truth.  I struggle with these feelings often and even today I'm trying to push past what I feel.  Some days it's real easy to shift my thinking to a more positive and grateful place, but other days it seems to hold onto me like a leech.  
I've read a lot of the bible in the last 10 years and the strongest weapon I've found are scriptures to fight this war on disappointment.  I've committed some to memory that are very powerful in speaking to feelings that attack our minds and can lead to hopelessness and even depression.  As Christians, we are not called to be perfect, pain-free, fearless and without worry but we are called to use the weapons we have in God's word to fight these battles for us. "For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword." (Hebrews 4:12).  I know that it is not easy, especially when you are doing all that you can to live according to God's word yet you don't see, in the here and now, any benefit in it.  When I feel this way, I meditate on the scripture that says "No good thing does He withhold from those who do what is right" (Psalms 84:11).  As funny as it sounds, I do believe that if I do my best, God will do the rest :-) .  On those days when I feel like a fool; when I feel like everyone is looking at me and pitying me; when I think every enemy I've ever had is laughing at me and my faith, I meditate on the scripture that says, "Anyone who believes in Him will never be put to shame." (Romans 10:11).  And when I feel overwhelmed with feelings that I'm just not progressing, like I'm stuck in a holding pattern, like life is passing me by, I mediate on the scripture that says, "All things work together for good to them that love God." (Romans 8:28)...Even the things that seem bad to us...even when we see others receiving the blessings we want to see in our own lives...even when it seems like nothing is ever gonna change, we have to deliberately remember that all of these thoughts and feelings are lies.  I love what some preachers have said "Fear is False-Evidence-Appearing-Real."  Let's remember that these lies are only the enemy's lies to cause fear in us and to make us give up on God and His promises.  Today, make some time to go through the bible and find more scriptures that you can use on this battlefield.  The more scriptures you have in your memory, the stronger you'll be and the more power you'll have to overcome the feelings and fears that creep up on you.. 

Song to listen to: "I Understand" - Smokie Norful

He Has Us!

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)

I don't know why it is, but I tend to forget that nothing happening in my life is a secret from God...nothing has happened or will happen without His approval.  He has the master blueprint; the final script; and all executive rights to add, delete or revise my life story as He sees fit.  

I know that I am not the only absentminded one out there because my close family and friends also encounter situations on a daily basis that I hear about, where just like me, they try to figure out how to solve the problem or how to get this person or that person to change their mind or how to get themselves out of  uncomfortable or unbearable seasons of life.  When I get to the end of my rope (of myself) and throw up my hands, I often remember "God is In control!"  God already knows my today, tomorrow, and beyond.  

I've heard more than once that if we only knew all that God was doing on our behalf; all the battles He's fighting; all the obstacles He's moving; all the people He's creating; and all the pieces He's placing at just the perfect points  along our specific journeys, it would be too overwhelming for us to  digest or comprehend.  It would literally blow our minds!

I believe, we'd all be a lot healthier and a lot happier if we woke up every morning and remembered right away that God already has the day planned.  If we remembered that all we had to do was to step into the day of blessings already prepared by Him.  If we could only remember to begin each day with sincere thanks and praise to our Father who knows every hair on our head, how much greater would our lives be?

That's my prayer for me and everyone reading this today, that God would help us to remember more about His power in our lives and less about the people, places and things that serve as the backdrop to  the extraordinary plan and purpose that He has for each of us.  

Decide today to move forward, knowing that He is our God and He is upholding us with His righteous hand!

Song to listen to:  "Incredible God, Incredible Praise"  -The Praise, The Worship feat. James Hairston

Holidays, Hopes and New Years...

"My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him." (Psalm 62:5)

December has somehow made its way back around again!  When I notice the year is nearly over, I always ask myself, where did the time go???  It seems that just yesterday, I was on the beach, basking in the sun and now it's cold and snowflakes will be falling sooner than I want to believe!  The holidays are here again and everything and everyone is moving at record speeds!

This time of year has been bitter-sweet for me for several years now.  Christmas has always been my favorite holiday and I look forward to the songs, holiday movies, shopping and just the whole joyful spirit that takes control of everyone.  Since I entered my 30s, the bitter has merged with the sweet though!  My 30s have added a sense of angst in me; a sense of sadness; and a bit of discouragement  when it comes to the holidays and the end of an old year and the approach of a new one.

The coming of a new year is supposed to be filled with hope and excitement but for me it has been a time of assessing all that hasn't happened yet; all the prayers that still can't be checked off the list as DONE.  It's December 2, 2014 today, so that means if God wants to end my year with a miraculous BANG, He has 29 days to make it happen!  My heart believes that He can but the other parts of me are pulling in the opposite direction, toward feelings of discouragement and disappointment.  So what do I do?  I could cry, sulk, and let Satan have his way with me or I can stay on my knees, praying day and night; fasting through the close of this year and seeking more of God's strength with the hope that God will show his faithfulness in greater ways during the last days of this year.  I'll keep trusting that He is the Great I Am and not the Great I Will Be! He is faithful to His word!  There's still time and nothing's too hard for my God :-)

Song to listen to: "Hold On, Help Is On the Way" -Whitney Houston/The Preacher's Wife

What Is Your Purpose?

"I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill His purpose for me." -Psalm 57:2 (NLT)

From time to time, I've heard sermons or read devotionals that ask people if they know what their God given purpose is, my answer has always been NO!  As I look around at the people God has placed in my life, I can kind of answer this question for them...I mean most of my circle has children, and to me, that represents at least one significant  purpose.  On the other hand I'm two steps from 40 years old and I haven't been blessed in that area yet.

Even my friends who have children complain that they still don't see the purpose God has for them; they say "there's got to be more to life than being a mother."  I am blessed to know at least two people who seem to have found their purpose in their careers, which they decided upon very early in life and now love dearly even on those days when everyone at their job gets on their nerves!  I envy them though because I've struggled for quite some time with this whole concept of "PURPOSE." Purpose, in my career; purpose in my singleness; purpose in my existence...

Unfortunately, I have not ever worked in a job that I just knew was my calling.  My work has been necessary, maybe even important but never exciting, interesting or fulfilling to me.  I've often asked God to show me my purpose; to open my spiritual eyes and help me to see but as I sit here typing today...I still wait for the answer.

So, what do we do while we wait on God to show us our purpose?  What I've decided to do is to keep crying out, keep asking him, in prayer, to lead me and show me.  I feel like a broken record on some days when I am constantly having an internal talk with God all day asking the same things over and over but I've truly come to a place in my life where I don't know where else to turn or who else to go to.  There's something that's missing, some piece of my puzzle that's missing and I feel the void of that empty space everyday. I believe that we all long for that space that nags at us to be filled...to be filled with true purpose and joy.  I know that the first step is the true knowledge of God and the building of a relationship with Him but I'm learning day by day that there are many more steps that come after that.

To be real, I'm feeling pretty exhausted today and I feel like I can't take another step but giving up is not an option for me so instead, I'll keep crying out because Isaiah 14:24 says," As I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will happen."  God has a plan and purpose for each of us and for some of us, I know it seems like a not-so-fun game of hide and seek but just keep trusting and believing and the big reveal will surely come!

Song to listen to: "Hold On" -James Fortune & Fiya

Keep Asking, Seeking and Knocking!

"Pray without ceasing...for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." - 1 Thessolonians 5:17

During the last two years of my life, an exhaustion has settled in.  Since coming to know God almost a decade ago, there have been things in my life that haven't gone as planned; that haven't turned out the way I thought they would; that have brought much disappointment and times hopelessness to my spirit.  I am a Christian, and I do have a close relationship with God but I am also a human being with human feelings and human emotions.

I've read many devotionals that have said my feelings and emotions take control because my eyes are not fixed on Jesus and I know this to be true but again my human tendencies cause me to be drawn to what I can physically see instead of what I cannot.  I haven't always looked through my eyes of faith and at times I am ashamed of that but in all of this I've created a huge sense of exhaustion, to the point where I feel like I can't even pray some days.  The exhaustion has come mostly from  God not meeting my timeline.  Time and patience have been my worst enemies and throughout this time I've learned that God's time and our time is usually never aligned!  I recently heard Joyce Meyer say "God is always on time but he's rarely early."  Waiting on God to answer has been a struggle.  My long list of prayers have far-surpassed their due dates and although I don't understand why, I believe God does.  He can see what I can't and I am certain even as I struggle with wanting all the desires of my heart today, God is protecting me and making sure that every piece of my life's puzzle is just right to perfectly fit together.  Until I see the manifestation of my prayers, God asks for one thing, that I "pray without ceasing."

It is very difficult some days to find the strength to pray the same ole prayers.  It's very difficult to wake up hopeful that today is the day and go to sleep tonight without seeing the answers but in all of the trials and tribulations of this life, I've got to make a deliberate choice to keep on asking, keep on seeking, and keep on knocking until I see answers.  I know God will answer one day, so I will continue to do my part even when it feels useless, even when I feel alone, even when it seems things will never turn around.  I'm choosing to trust God even when I can't hear or feel Him and I am holding Him to his word for He has said that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. I'm putting my energy today into trusting Him more and believing that He will do "exceedingly, abundantly, above all I can ask or think!"

Song to listen to:  "Turning around for me" -Vashawn Mitchell

Right Place, Right Time

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

The more and more you live in this world, the more you see, the more you hear, the more you wonder, the more you desire.  If you're not careful (which most of us aren't) you'll become consumed by all that you see and all that you desire.  It's really difficult to live in a world with so many people and not begin to want what they have or what you think they have.  For example, walking down the street on a beautiful sunny day, suddenly you notice another woman with an adorable baby coming your way.  You can't help but look at that baby and admire how adorable the baby is and automatically start to fantasize about your future baby and how he or she will look or be.  This is just a harmless example but it can get alot deeper than that in life.

I've been known to obsess over what I want in my life and what hasn't happened yet and why it hasn't happen yet and on and on and on.  Becoming consumed by a desire is not the healthiest way to live, it's stressful and it almost always leads to sadness and misery.

Just this week, it came to me that even though there are so many pieces of my life that are not exactly fitting together in the way that I desire...I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.  I struggle with accepting this and I battle with God about the whys and the whens but when I finally settle down and God restores my peace, I honestly believe that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be in God's grand plan for my life.  It's not what I planned at all but I'm learning everyday to accept that it's exactly what God planned!  I am the exact age that I am supposed to be, in the exact career that I'm supposed to be in, and at the exact weight I'm supposed to be at today.  I know that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be because I pray each and everyday for God to guide me in all that I do.  I trust God, which doesn't mean that I don't often question him (because I do).  I'm human and imperfect but when all else fails me I know that God is still right there for me.  Trusting God is an everyday activity.  It takes thought and action every single day because I'm so tempted to try to make theings happen in my own strength but the moment it hits me that God is in control and that his plan is perfect for me, a peace washes over me.  I know that one day trusting will just be a natural thing that I don't have to think about but it's a process and I know that God fully understands where I am in that process.  Today I trust that I am in the "Right place, at the Right time!"

Song to listen to: "Alwaysness" - Yolanda Adams

BREAKTHROUGH!

“I look for your deliverance O Lord.” Genesis 49:18

I’ve been going through one specific trial for the last six years of my life and admittedly I am so tired right now.  I’m weary; I feel like giving up; I feel doubtful; I feel like this trial will never come to an end.  I’m being painfully honest today because I don’t feel that being dishonest will ever help anyone, especially me.

I’ve been in real relationship with God for about six years as well.  Prior to this time, I knew about God and I attended church when it was convenient but I didn’t have a real connection with God.  There was no daily exchange of thanks or praise; there was no confidence that if I died, God would know me and welcome me into his kingdom.  I was just floating back then and even though I wasn’t aware of it, I was being carried by the prayers of my mother, grandmother and other relatives who never stopped praying for God’s protection and hand on my life.  I can truly say thank you to them and to God for refusing to let the devil have me when I didn’t know any better. 

Fast forward to today…I know that the bible says “in this life you will have trials...” but I thought that every trial had a start and end date.  With what I’ve been going through, it’s been so many long days, months and years that my belief that there is an end has been weakened.  I do believe that God is working; I do believe that God can change a situation in an instant; I do believe that God has a plan for each one of us but I just can’t understand why it’s taking so long for me to breakthrough in this area of my life.  My faith hasn’t wavered in God’s ability to deliver me from this; my faith wavers in whether God wants to deliver me from this.  I find myself asking or wondering why God won’t lift this burden from me because I am confident that He can!  Everyone keeps saying that He will.  They keep telling me to read certain scriptures, to pray, to fast and to wait and if I died and went to heaven today I know in my heart and soul that in this last six years I’ve done all these things including begging God, crying out to God, and everything else that I could think or hear of and still today I remain in this valley.  When my spirit is so heavy and I just feel like I’m about to snap, I sometimes believe it would be okay if God just took me from this earth and let me be at peace in Heaven with Him.  I know that I’m not the only one who’s ever felt like this or who even feels like this today.

Since I decided a long time ago that my life would only be ended when God made it so, I know that I have no choice but to keep living, to keep looking to God, to keep begging Him to deliver me, to keep looking for that breakthrough, to keep asking Him for more peace and strength.  I don’t know when God will finally decide to deliver me from this but I do know there’s no other help I know and knowing He’s delivered me from other trials in my past keeps my faith alive.  There’s a scripture that says all you need is faith the size of a mustard seed to move a mountain; I’ve been blessed to see a mustard seed and I know that my faith though small today is still way bigger than a mustard seed so I keep on pressing forward hoping that today will be my day of breakthrough.

Song to listen to:  “It Shall Come to Pass” –Hezekiah Walker & LFC