Appreciate the Good Things...

"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118-24)

One of the things that I love most is warm weather!  My favorite season is autumn because the temperature is perfectly in between cold and hot.  I love the breeze; the sound of the leaves brushing up against each other; and the vibrant colors of the leaves on the trees.  I also enjoy the spring and summer but these months tend to be more hot and humid, so I usually do more complaining about how hot is is during these seasons.

On my journey, there have been times when I have become fixated on all the things that are wrong instead of on all the things that are right.  It's sometimes very difficult to make a list of what's right but it's always worth the effort because turning your attention to positive things is healthier and always brings joy to your heart.  When I take the time to think about good things, I always find a smile come across my face.  Especially when I think of something funny a friend said or a joke a relative told, or something silly I saw a toddler do, I start to laugh so hard, I either cry or nearly pee on myself!  I like the feeling I get when I'm happy, when I'm laughing, and when I'm sincerely in that moment filled with nothing but joy.  God's word says "always be joyful" (1 Thessalonians 5:16).  Yes, it takes effort most times but again it's always worth it...isn't it?  There is no value in being sad, depressed, defeated or hopeless.  When you are feeling any of these emotions, you are not improving your health and you are surely not following God's word.  I am guilty of staying in those emotions too at times, and I will never ever deny that truth.  One of the reasons I started writing these blog entries was to hold myself accountable and to keep my emotions in check; it takes work!  Nothing worth having in life comes easy!  If you want better, you have to work at it!

In the past couple of weeks, I've noticed one way that God has been blessing me...the evenings have been so breezy, I almost forget that it's summer.  As small as this may seem to others, this has truly been a blessing to me.  I've spent the evenings sitting on my terrace, feet up on my ottoman, head tilted back on the cushion of my chair and just basking in the breeze.  I've been able to hear the leaves as they brush back and forth  and in these moments, I've found myself silently thanking God.  Not thanking him for a particular prayer being answered but simply thanking him for life, for the ability to feel the breeze, to see the leaves, and to experience his power.

Today, I'm choosing to be appreciative and grateful for the good things that God has placed before me. I believe that there's value in making time to appreciate things that seem small and insignificant, as you keep living to eventually see bigger things come to life.  As I'm focusing on the small blessings of today and this moment I'm feeling joy in my heart, I'm smiling and I truly believe that God is pleased!

Song to listen to "This Is the Day!" -Fred Hammond and James Fortune

Seasons Always Change...

“To everything there is a season…” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

Right now we are all pretty anxious and excited for the new summer season to arrive.  It was nice when the official start of spring came also but with that I believe that we all saw that as a short rest stop to the two months of warm, sunny weather we all look forward to during the long stretch of winter.

If we think about life as we do about the four seasons, I think we’d all be a lot more happy and hopeful.  We tend to get bogged down during those times of challenge that seem to linger on forever.  We lose hope that anything will ever change; that anything will ever truly get better.  We wonder if these moments of anguish are somewhat of a consequence for something we did wrong or even we sometimes ask God, “is this your plan for my life?”  I know for me, I rarely see hard times as moments in time, I often go to that extreme thought that “this just might be my lot in my life; my burden to bear; and maybe I was meant to suffer while everyone else enjoys the good life.  When you somehow adopt that way of thinking, it’s very hard to dispel it and reprogram your mind to move on with a more positive thought pattern. 

As I think about the scripture above it redirects my attention to what God truly wants us to focus on.  His word says that “there is a time for every purpose under heaven.” “ There is a time to weep and there is also a time to laugh.”  We have to use our energy to meditate on the fact that times change, just as seasons do.  This is God’s design, so no one bad day, bad month, bad year is meant to stay forever…that season will and MUST change.  God said it and He is still in control of all things!

When I was younger, I’d read stories and there was often a line that said “it came to pass that…”  I never knew what that statement meant until I became and adult and began to closely think about words and phrases, as I tried to find meaning in it all.  That statement is truly profound to me now though because every single thing that we face on this earth has “come to pass”, these things  did not come to stay!  If we can just hold on to that thought, I know we could be more joyful and expectant and we’d leave no room for hopelessness or despair. 

As we look forward to this year’s warmer season, lets also look forward to a new season in our personal lives and let’s go one step further and expect that the season we are entering will be filled with new answered prayers, new relationships,  and new opportunities to grow and prosper in everything we are on this earth to do! 

Song to listen to:  "Praise Him In Advance" - Marvin Sapp

When you've had ENOUGH...

"He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord, he said” (1 Kings 19:4)

Have you ever just had enough? Enough of your family, enough of your friends, enough of your job, enough of things not going as you planned, enough of trying to stay positive, enough of life itself?  Well I have and I'm, going through the motions of all of these today!  It actually started two days ago...truth be told, it's been a build up to this point but the bottom fell out two days ago.

Sometimes it seems like the harder you try to be better, and to do better, the more you get attacked or accused of the opposite.  The double-edged sword of family itself can take anyone over the cliff but I'm feeling the wrath of mine right now.  It's fortunate you have family but it's unfortunate when you can't stomach being around them.  We are all different, with our own viewpoints and issues but it's exhausting when you try so hard to put yourself aside and show love and gratitude only to be slapped across the face with their views about how bad and uncaring of a person you are...I ask God, how could I put in so much effort to show that I care and still be seen as this selfish, awful person?  It makes you feel like throwing in the towel...It makes you understand why so many people totally separate themselves from the families they are born into.  It gets to the point where ENOUGH is ENOUGH!  What about life as a whole?  When you stay in prayer; you stay battling negative thoughts with positive ones; you stay being hopeful for tomorrow, only to wake up today to the same old things, without change which makes you feel that you're traveling in circles and getting nowhere.  Maybe it's just me, maybe my life is the only one that is playing out as a losing boxing match, where I keep getting knocked down...sometimes I just wanna stay down on the mat, close my eyes and wake up in Heaven...

It helps me when I see that in the bible, over 2,000 years ago, others also felt what I am feeling today.  Others even asked God to take their life, to spare them from any more of the pain that this life brings.  The Prophet Elijah prayed that he might die; Moses told the Lord "Please go ahead and kill me!" (Numbers 11:14)  If these two holy men had such low points where they felt that death would be better than life, it helps me not to feel as guilty and it gives me strength to go on. Strength comes from knowing I'm not alone and knowing that even after such low moments, I can and will continue on.  My prayer today is that my tomorrows are better than my today...but for now I can only take it one step at a time...and believe that as God's word instructs: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34)

Song to listen to: "This Too Shall Pass" -Yolanda Adams

Lonely?

"You know what I long for; you hear my every sigh." (Psalms 38:9)

No matter who you are and what your relationship status is today, you've experienced being lonely. Not so long ago, I believed that I was the only one who was lonely in my world.  After several years of true soul searching, I've realized that loneliness is not simply for single people.  Some people are lonely because they are single, without a spouse; some people are lonely and married; and others are lonely even though they have children and a spouse at home.  

As a thirty-something single woman, I have gone through the heights and depths of loneliness. It wasn't until I opened my eyes and began to look outside of myself, that I found that we all struggle with these same types of feelings.  At times it's heartbreaking to get home at the end of a long day to find yourself spending a long night alone.  It can be just as heartbreaking to get home at the end of the day to a spouse and/or children who don't communicate with you or shut you out of their lives.  Whatever the situation may be, we have to remember that God has promised never to leave or forsake us.  He has promised to supply all of our needs.  And He has promised to answer us when we call on Him.  I know, I know...we can't physically touch God and when you need a hug, you cannot physically feel that closeness but I can guarantee that when you turn your focus in His direction, He will give you peace so pure that it will truly surpass your understanding.

I believe that life is made up of waves...waves of joy, waves of excitement and waves of sadness too and we have to realize moments in our lives as just that, waves of change that come in close and then die down and roll away.  When moments of loneliness seem too much to bear, remind God that He said "It is not good for man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18)...sometimes He will send a friend, sometimes He will send a spouse, sometimes He will send children, but when none of these fit the bill and you still have that longing, know that He has sent the Holy Spirit that is ever-present inside of you and that never fails in giving you the comfort and peace you need to ride the wave out.

Song to listen to:  "Jesus Is Love" - The Commodores

My Testimony

“Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” (Mark 5:19)


Everyone has a testimony to share.  Some are not yet comfortable enough to share theirs and some may still be a little ashamed about where they were and what they were doing when they came to truly know God and his love for them, but at some point, I think we all will come to a place where we understand the importance of sharing our story with others.  

I am no saint, there are things in my past that I have done that I am still ashamed of, even though I know without a doubt that God has forgiven me. Human beings though have a tough time forgiving themselves and I am no different.  Today I want to share one of my testimonies, as there are many, but my heart feels it is important to share this one now.

I grew up in a home where my mother was always preaching the gospel; always quoting scripture; and always telling me and my sisters what was wrong and right in God's eyes.  I am the 4th of 4 girls and when I was younger (school age), I was the quiet one, just listening to all the conversations around me and wondering what everyone was talking and arguing about.  As I got a little older and found my voice, I began to join in the conversation, but by then my older sisters were away in college, so it was just me and my mother and I think she was tired by then and felt like I had heard it all before and that I should know right from wrong, so the conversations were few and far between.  

Growing up, I hadn't really seen a need to know God better.  I mean, my family life was certainly not perfect.  We fought a lot and then we always made up and that was just how it went.  I made it through college without any major events occurring and I was sane and educated and life wasn't perfect but it was ok. After college, I had my first real romantic relationship.  At first, I wasn't all that in love; he was nice; we went on dates every weekend; and we had a good time laughing and having fun.  At some point, I fell deeply in love and hearing my mother in my mind constantly saying "it's better to marry than to burn!"  I felt like we needed to get married because we were doing all the right things to get burned!  Well, at 25, he didn't understand the need and my mother's voice didn't haunt him the way it did me.  Eventually, 5 years into the relationship, we got engaged, and I thought everything was going to work out.  We were going to get married and live happily ever after.  LOL!!!!  Well, it didn't quite work out that way.  From almost the day the ring went on my finger, my life was turned upside down!  His parents, who I thought really liked me, showed me that they didn't like me at all!  I was American born and so was he but his parents were West African born and unbeknownst to me, they had always planned for him to be married to a West African woman.  They proceeded to make me very aware of their feelings and plans and he didn't defend his love and commitment to me and quickly folded under the pressure so we broke up.  I was devastated!  And that's putting it lightly!  I spent the next year of my life in the deepest, darkest pit that can be imagined.  My heart was so shattered that I didn't believe it could ever be whole again.  I was hopeless and I didn't want to live, but thank God I was too afraid to take my own life, mainly because again, my mother's voice rang in my head about the rights and wrongs according to God's word and suicide was not in the "right" category.  That year was the worst year of my life.

In the beginning, I knew about God but I didn't know God and I didn't trust God.  I was in such excruciating pain, and I just wanted the pain to go away.  I woke up everyday in agony.  I was a teacher at the time and I had just started working at a new school that I didn't like so that added to my grief and til this day I can't even remember how I got to that school building everyday.  I was living in such a thick foggy haze.

It was in that year of extreme pain that I truly met God.  I truly began to seek him through praying every second of everyday, out loud and silently. Through taking my sister's advice, I began reading the bible every single morning and night, desperately hoping that I would get some relief from the darkness I was in.  That relief did not come right away though.  I had post it notes all over my apartment and in my car, just to keep positive and victorious words in my sight. I went to christian and non-christian counseling.  I started going to church every Sunday again, because I felt I couldn't survive without it.  I started visiting another church on Tuesday evenings just to be in the midst of other believers in the hope that something miraculous would fall on me and I would be my old self again.  Even after that year, I was never my old self again; I was a new woman with a new heart and mind.  I didn't realize the change that was occurring in me until after that year had passed.  I can't point out the exact date that the heaviness was broken off of me but I realized at some point that I was feeling good again and I was hopeful again and I was smiling again. 

That was 8 years ago, and I'm still nowhere near perfect.  Life is challenging and I still have a lot to learn about God and about faith but because of that deep pit experience, I am now a woman of integrity and standards; and a woman who puts no man before God.  I am confident that God always has me and that His perfect plan will always prevail.

We all have a testimony and I'm asking everyone who is reading today to find some way to share it.  There are others around you that need to hear where you've been so they can see what it looks like to be on the other side of the trials of life.  From that part of my life, I've learned that God is the only true happily ever after and with Him on my side I can make it through anything that comes my way. 

Song to listen to:  "Love Said Not So" -BeBe and CeCe Winans

Everyday is not a Happy One!

"But you, Lord, do not be far from me.  You are my strength; come quickly to help me." (Psalm 22:19)

I keep my distance from people who try to make others believe that they are happy everyday, all the time.  I don't care how many years you've known the Lord. or how holy you think you are, there will be days when you just don't feel happy!  Life is hard!  Very hard!!  And the things you have to deal with in everyday life can really tire you out and get you down.  I do get tired and I do breakdown sometimes and that doesn't make me any less of a Christian!

The times that I can remember saying "life is hard!" to people outside of my family, I can recall the shocked responses.  It's as if they think I'm super-human, without feelings, and without the same struggles and challenges as any other human being or that I somehow shouldn't have these same struggles.  Because I stay in touch with God and pray a lot and try to deliberately speak more positive than negative words, people think I'm getting a pass on the hell that life dishes out!  

This week in particular has been tougher than most.  Disagreements with my mother, loneliness, and simple fatigue with waiting on prayers to be answered have all gotten the best of me.  This week, I don't know what to pray when I get on my knees; I don't know the words to say about the future of my career and the future of my personal life.  And I'm totally confused about what God's will is for me.  I truly believe that everything I've prayed for in the last 10 years, were placed in my heart by God. Nothing that I desire is out of selfishness or greed or envy.  All that my heart desires is written in God's word and is honorable and of good rapport.  But, for the life of me, I can't figure out what the delay is or what I'm doing wrong or what God is doing.  

The word of God says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (Proverbs 13:12).  This scripture shows me that God is aware of the effects of the trials and waiting we human beings deal with.  King David also wrote most of the Psalms, crying out to God for strength to make it through and for God to come quickly to help him!  What I'm feeling and what you sometimes feel (if you're honest with yourself) is not uncommon, "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." (1 Corinthians 10:13) I'm often tempted to give up on my dreams and I'm sometimes tempted to give up on my faith but it's impossible for me now because I've met God and I've gotten to know God and I'm in relationship with Him.  I've seen and experienced too much with Him to deny His love, grace and mercy in my life.  I gotta believe that He has not changed and His mind has not changed; He is still faithful!  There is no Plan B for me!  It's me and God and no matter how hard the day or week is, I will not let Him go until He blesses me! (Genesis 32:26)

Song to listen to: "For Every Mountain" -Kurt Carr & Kurt Carr Singers

Questions...

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46)

The last month has been filled with ups and downs for me.  It has been a confusing time; a time of uneasiness and a time filled with questions that really just haven't had any concrete answers. Situations regarding health, death, and quality of life have consumed me at times, yet I've continued to reach out to God and to confess the words, "I trust you Lord!"

Trusting God doesn't mean that you understand what He's doing or what He's allowing to occur in your life at any particular moment, but it means that even in the pain and confusion, you know that He is still in control.  Yes, we all get mad with God at times because we think that we know what should happen to resolve all of the issues in our lives (most of the time), but the truth is we only know what we see and what our emotions lead us to feel.  God sees what we cannot see, "I make known the end from the beginning." (Isaiah 46:10).  While we are feeling all that comes with the trials in our lives, it's hard to remember and believe that God knows what He's doing.  

With recent medical issues with my father; the death of one of my friend's infant nephews; and the sudden decline in the health of another friend, I've wondered about why things happen the way they do.  I wonder what the good is in all of these things.  The scripture does say "All things work together for good" (Romans 8:28) but I just can't see the good sometimes.  Could it be that since God can see our tomorrows, that our pain and heartaches today are working to prevent us from things that would be even worse in our future?  Could it be that the end of a relationship today prevents you from the tragedy that individual would cause in your life 10 years from now? Could it be that the termination from your job today could lead you to your next job where you'll meet the person who'll become your business partner 5 years from now?  One thing I do believe without a doubt is that everything happens for a reason.  I won't deny that just like Jesus on the cross, I wonder "God why have you forsaken me?" We feel forsaken and we feel abandoned but the truth is...these are simply feelings and not realities.

As we continue to live, our only hope is in God.  He has not left us and He is very aware of the details in each of our lives.  In the uneasy moments and dark hours, instead of asking why have you forsaken me? replace that with "I trust you Lord!"  You may be crying as you say these words; you might be angry as you speak these words, but don't let feelings and emotions change what you know to be true.  "I am the way, and the truth and the life" (John 14:6)

Song to listen to: "My Life Is In Your Hands" - God's Property